


The return of the Killer

by w01v35w0rd



Category: Splatoon
Genre: Agent 12, F/F, Mild Language, Murder, albeit fairly crappily, i can do anything, idk if it counts as graphic though, in one chapter anyway
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2020-12-27 15:23:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21120989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/w01v35w0rd/pseuds/w01v35w0rd
Summary: Agent 3♀ is a controversial serial killer & has returned from the 6-month "research trip" that Agent 3♂ didn't go to. Follow along her POV as she watches others panic at her return, meets new people, and finds out that one of the Agent 4s is also an infamous murderer--whom she may have fallen in love with. Neither of them have experienced love before, so how will this turn out?





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agent 3♀ explains how she got roped into the 6-month "research trip" in the first place; long story short, she tried to murder Cap'n Cuttlefish for being a bigot.

This chain of events started a month after Agent 3♂ and I saved the Great Zapfish.

Cap'n Cuttlefish knew that I was a killer ever since he recruited me. One day, he tried to take advantage of this & commanded me to murder a whole bunch of Octolings (which is different from simply splatting them with ink, mind you). The thing is, the public knows that I just kill the kinds of people that they'd otherwise view as irredeemably vile, like sex traffickers. If they all hate them so much, it would make sense to kill them.

At the time, the public didn't know about the Octolings or were even aware that the Octarians as a whole existed. They're in their own world doing their own thing. I really didn't see a point in killing them at all, so I tried to kill _him_ instead. If it weren't for his granddaughters and Agent 3♂, I might've finished the job.

So he got me into this "research trip" quite some time later to try & prove to me that he isn't just some shallow-minded foozle attempting to make me do his bidding. Although I personally think that he was unsuccessful at doing so, I now know that the Octolings don't have to be restricted to their own seperate world after all.

Similar to a young child, Octolings are new to our world & it's up to others to shape their views. They need to know what's good & what's evil--and to fight against the evil, of course. However, since the Octolings have military experience & already know how to fight/kill, all that's left is to teach them to use these skills against the evil.

After 6 months, this imbecilic journey has finally ended. Of course, things changed back in Inkopolis while I was gone. For example, someone's been filling in my role as the local slaughterer of criminals; apparently, the media decided to call her the Slayer of the Square (sometimes shortened to just "the Slayer").


	2. Two Fours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agent 3♀ meets up with both Agent 4s. 3♀ & 4♂ are strangers that have met for the first time, although 4♂ has heard of 3♀ before. 3♀ & 4♀ meet again for the first time in years. Although they are aware that both of them are murderers, something about seeing each other again after so long seems to have caused a relationship beginning to blossom between them...

I was told to go to Octo Canyon to meet the new agents before letting the public know that I've returned. Naturally, I had to oblige. I was promptly greeted by Agent 2.

> "Oh hey, you're back. There's someone I'd like you to meet. Two people, actually."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a cyan squid super jump in my direction. As I took a step back, Agent 2 told me their name.

> "This is Agent 4♂. Apparently, his real name is Signal."

Agent 4♂ changed into humanoid form (light skinned with cyan ink and slicked back tentacles) as he landed right in front of me. Simply seeing how he looked filled my thoughts with questions. I've heard of heterochromia, where people have different colored irises, but how does he also have different colored _pupils? _This shouldn't be possible. His left eye was red with a green pupil while his right eye was cyan with a magenta pupil. I've also heard of conditions that can cause one hair tentacle to have a differently colored tip, but _not_ all 6 of them! Starting at his front-right tentacle and going counter-clockwise from there, the tips of his tentacles went red, black, green, magenta, blue, & yellow. He also had his tounge out often, but that's not what I found unusual. What I _did_ find unusual was that his tounge was red, the color opposite of his natural cyan. Aren't Inklings' tounges supposed to be the same color as their current ink color?

He then began to speak.

> "HeY tHeRe! SaY, aReN'T yOu Mr. FaMcOdE's OtHeR dAuGhTeR? He'S tOlD mE aBoUt YoU bEfOrE aT tHe LaB!"
> 
> But... he resigned from there.
> 
> "I kNoW! YoUr TwIn SiS hAs TaLkEd A lOt AbOuT yOu ToO! ShE sUrE gEtS a LoT oF hEr WoRk HaBiTs FrOm YoUr DaD, dOnChA tHiNk?"
> 
> I guess so. Don't you know who you're talking to?
> 
> "YeS, aGeNt 3♀. BuT aLsO aLtE fAmCoDe, ThE sAmE pErSoN aS tHe OnE aNd OnLy KiLlEr Of InKoPoLiS!"

This guy just raised even more questions in my mind. How come the _first_ thing he said about me wasn't related to me being a serial killer, but was about how I'm related to a (former) scientist? My father resigned from the lab when I was 10 years old. Agent 4♂ looks somewhere around my age, so how in God and Master's name did he know my father when he still worked at the lab when there's no way that a young child would even know about it? Things just didn't seem to add up.

> "By ThE wAy, Do YoU kNoW aBoUt AnY oF tHe OtHeR 4 mOsT fAtAl KiLlErS iN iNkOpOlIs?"
> 
> Of course I--wait, are you trying to tell me that it's now the Fatal _5?_
> 
> "YeAh, ThE sLaYeR oF tHe SqUaRe'S aBoUt To TaKe YoUr SpOt As ThE 4tH dEaDlIeSt SqUiD, aNd It HaSn'T eVeN bEeN a YeAr YeT! GuEsS sHe ReAlLy _Is_ Ax-CrAzY!"

So the Slayer of the Square had goals _and_ a kill count similar to mine? If this guy's right, then color me impressed. Guess I'm not the odd one out in the Fatal <strike>4</strike> 5 anymore.

> "ShE's AlSo AgEnT 4♀, bY tHe WaY. ThE cAp'N aNd HiS gRaNdSqUiDs SuRe GoT a HaBiT oF hIrInG mUrDeReRs As AgEnTs!"

Agent 2 suddenly chimed in.

> "That's not true! You and Age--I mean, 3♀ and 4♀ became murderers AFTER being recruited!"
> 
> "My PoInT sTiLl StAnDs, MaRiE! In FaCt, I pReDiCt ThAt In ThE fUtUrE, tHe NeXt SqUiD aGeNtS yOu'Ll Be ReCrUiTiNg WiLl Be ThE kIdS oF aT lEaSt 1 Of ThE fAtAl 5 MeMbErS!"
> 
> "I told you, you're supposed to call me 'Agent 2'..."

I doubt that he can actually predict the future, but I still wouldn't be surprised if he turned out to be right. But since the Slayer & I aren't old enough, there's only 3 possible candidates.

> ...Say, where _is_ Agent 4♀?
> 
> "Oh YeAh, I kNoW! JuSt FoLlOw Me!"

And so I did just that. I followed him toward the nearest Boss Kettle. But then, he just... noclipped right through it. He didn't enter it. I don't know how or why, but he just kept on walking as if there was nothing there. It's like he was some paranormal entity that was trying to disguise themself as an average person. Of course, I just walked around the Boss Kettle like anyone else would.

And then I saw her on the other side of the Boss Kettle, with a neon yellow P90 (which I'm guessing is the new Hero Shot) in her right hand and a yellowish gray hatchet (which, for whatever reason, had "ICP" engraved on the blade) in her left hand, aimed toward a sparrow. Slightly tanned skin, goldenrod ink, short tentacles with light pink tips, orange eyes, & somwehere around my age. Indeed, she perfectly matched all of the descriptions I've read about the Slayer of the Square.

Both of us suddenly spoke at the same time.

> "Wha- Alte Famcode!?"
> 
> Wha- Dopple Scicons!?

Behind me, I heard Agent 2 yelling in the distance.

> **_"Wait, you two already know each other!?"_ **

She certainly did look familiar.

> "The Killer of Inkopolis? Have... shit, how long has it been since we last met?"
> 
> Several years, probably.

* * *

I remember first meeting her at a funeral I went to when I was 10. It was the funeral of Mrs. Scicons, who was one of my father's colleagues and a close friend of my mother ever since they were roommates in college. My sister and I didn't know who Mrs. Scicons was, but we had to go with them anyway since our parents couldn't just leave us at home by ourselves. Turns out we weren't the only kids there. There were quite a lot of other kids, actually. In fact, I'm still surprised that there were so many people that attended.

Plenty of people delivered their eulogies about her (my mother was one of them), but naturally, Mr. Scicons was up first. He told the story of how she died. She died when a man literally backstabbed her with a dagger. However, someone else was watching it happen. Filled with all sorts of negative emotions, they rushed over & killed him using his own weapon. But that someone wasn't Mr. Scicons; it was his daughter, Dopple. As my sister, Inky, pointed out, she wasn't the only juvenile killer present; to make a long story short, I killed my former neighbors with a pair of scissors after our parents told us that our grandparents (from both sides) were kidnapped by the neighbors for trafficking purposes. Inky walked in right _after_ I did it, but thankfully that's the least of her traumas. And just like that, Dopple and I had some sort of connection right off the bat. After all the eulogies were done, we mostly spent the remainder the funeral getting to know each other. But after that, I never saw her again. Not until now, at least.

* * *

I never saw her in school, church, the park, or even Inkopolis Plaza. And yet here we are, right in front of each other several years later. 

> Wait, which schools did you go to?
> 
> "Oh, I went to Coraline Elementary & Coburn Middle School. I would be attending Eldoris High, but apparently I'm suspended for 'being too violent' or some shit. Happens a lot."
> 
> Ah, no wonder it's been so long.
> 
> "What the fuck? What schools did _you_ go to?"
> 
> I'm in Whirlpool Academy, but I used to go to Masika Elementary. Or at least that's where I went here in Inkopolis.

* * *

I didn't always live here in Inkopolis. Inky and I used to live in Scirplus Village with our (absolutely horrid) paternal aunt & uncle alongside our parents. We went to Hoshiko Elementary together, but when we moved away when we were 10 years old, we had to change schools. Apparently, our parents decided that it's best to move somewhere else after the incident with the neighbors I mentioned earlier, and Inkopolis seemed like the perfect place for them (we still agree). And to this day, we're both thankful that our aunt and uncle didn't move with us.

* * *

> "My cod... It's been a long-ass fuckin' time, hasn't it?"
> 
> Indeed it has.

Dopple wasn't even grown into humanoid form last time we met, so it's definitely been a long time since then. And although I belong to one of the few Inkling subspecies that reach humanoid form at 10 instead of 14 (I'm a jigsaw squid), even someone as foolish as a book burner can notice an obvious age difference. Regardless of what age one reaches humanoid form, the body still goes through physical changes as time goes on.

Normally, this is a process that is neither good or bad, as it is simply a result of time doing what it's supposed to do, but this instance is an exception to that rule. This time, the process was a good thing. I'm not sure how to describe it, but it's like time had also given her body some finer qualities instead of simply just altering her appearance. To me, her appearance now seems stronger and more... improved, for lack of a better word. I never thought I'd say something like this, but I wonder if she feels the same way about me? Judging by her facial expression, she probably does.

> "Erm... Shit, I don't know how the fuck to say this... I'm kind of a big fan of your work, y'know?"
> 
> Oh really? Well, I think you've done an excellent job as well.
> 
> "Th-thanks..."

It seems that she was faintly blushing a bright golden yellow color, but why?

Usually, I'd consider someone like her to be useful to my goals, as hers are similar to mine. But this time? This time it was... different. I felt like she was more than just "useful" to me. I still want her to murder <strike>for</strike> with me, but I also want to do more with her. That's the closest I can get to putting it into words, anyway.

I thought I heard Agent 2 giggling in the distance for reasons unknown, but Agent 4♂ promptly silenced her with a remark.

> "YoU mAy LaUgH nOw, BuT tHeY'lL bE tHe OnEs LaUgHiNg OnCe ThEy PlOt To ShAnK yOuR aSs In! ThEy MuRdEr PeOpLe FoR a LiViNg, AfTeR aLl!"

If Agent 2 turns out to be just like her grandfather, then perhaps Agent 4♂'s first statement shall be correct. His second statement, on the other hand...

> "We don't fuckin' do it for a living! We just steal whatever cash they have in their pockets after we kill them!"
> 
> To make a living is to _earn_ money from other people for doing something. We _take_ money from the dead to pay ourselves. There is indeed a difference.
> 
> "OhHh... So It'S kInDa LiKe ArMeD rObBeRy, BuT yOuR mAiN iNtEnTiOn IsN't To StEaL aLl ThEiR sTuFf!"

I can't really argue with logic like that. On the other hand, Agent 4♀ seemed to be absolutely infuriated by such a statement. She turned around and began to storm off toward him, probably to slice him right in half with her axe. Now I see why he said she was "[ax-crazy](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AxCrazy)" earlier...

> "Listen up here you little shit...!"

I stopped her, almost on impulse, by grabbing the back of her jacket with my free hand. This is one of the many situations that the Codexscript (which is my religion's equivalent to what you would call "the Holy Bible") has a fitting verse for, and it's a good thing I have many of them memorized.

> Regardless of how ugly or sugarcoated the truth is, one must not fight against it, as denial is futile once correctness has prevailed in any way, shape, or form - Intellecta 6:28.
> 
> "Dafuq are you saying?"

Similar responses were fairly common among the majority of non-religious Inklings. No wonder I never saw her in church; she likely doesn't have the same beliefs that I do.

I simplified it for her.

> When you think about it, he's technically correct, so there isn't really a point in arguing with him.
> 
> "[Sigh] I guess you're right..."

Quoting the Codexscript reminded me of all the [quote-offs](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/QuoteToQuoteCombat) I had with Inky. Perhaps surprising the public can wait and I shall meet up with her next. It's time for me to leave. Surely my twin sister knows much more than I do about Agent 4♂--or rather, about Signal. I made a few steps toward the exit sewer, but then I turned around to ask something that I had just remembered.

> Ah, before I leave, I need to ask... do you happen to be religious?
> 
> _"Why the fuck would there be any cod dam reason for me to believe in a god!?"_
> 
> ...So that's a no, then. You could've just said it.

My assumptions were right. She had no religious beliefs. I never saw her in church because there wasn't any reason for her, an atheist, to go there.

As I continued walking my way to the exit sewer, I noticed that Agent 2 had a wide-eyed & surprised expression on her face. Was it because of what Agent 4♀ had just said? Or was she still trying to process what happened?

I didn't think any more of it once I slipped through the exit on my way to reunite with my twin sister.


	3. a FAMily reunion enCODEd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twin Famcode sisters, Alte & Inky, reunite for the first time since the "research trip" took place. They talk together as they walk their way home & meet up with their long lost maternal cousins (& someone entirely new) when they actually get there. The twins' dialogue is mostly in some sort of code, but Alte herself has given a translation in the end notes... well, yes she did, but actually no.

Walking through the alley, the first person I see is Inky, who's ecstatic to see me and runs up to give me a hug with her orange magenta-tipped tentacles. I understand why she's so happy to meet me again, as I actually kinda missed her too during my 6-month trip, but why was she crying tears of joy? Agent 3♂, her boyfriend, didn't go with me, so was having him around simply not enough for her? Our beliefs dictate that family members have a special kind of bond together (which is why she's pretty much the only person I actually care about), but didn't lovers have that same bond as well?

> I hugged her back using my chartreuse turquoise-tipped tentacles, not necessarily because I wanted to, but almost as if on instinct.

> We let go and started walking our way back home.

> Cap'n Cuttlefish was the old man who gave me this cape, but I didn't tell her that. On the other hand, I didn't tell Cap'n Cuttlefish that I really hated this cape... yet. Perhaps I will after this "cape to coat" plan of hers follows through.

> I now know that Signal knew my dad because he was created at the lab he used to work at, and that Signal has heard about me thanks to my father. But how is Signal more or less my age? Something still didn't seem right.

> Things made more sense to me now. Signal was exposed to a chemical that made him age--and therefore reach humanoid form--faster. <strike>(I wonder if this chemical was naturally occuring in us jigsaw squids?)</strike> But then, his aging went on pause once he got his soul stuck in a GV crystal, which was apparently some sort of punishment.

Interestingly enough, he was freed once said crystal broke. She didn't say _who_ broke it, but perhaps it was Marie, Agent 2, who somehow must've stumbled upon it. If that was how he got recruited as Agent 4♂, it would be interesting to imagine how it went.

> Seems like Signal is much more powerful than I thought upon first meeting him. Although having more of the GV substance in your bloodstream gives you greater glitchy powers, there's a limit to how much of it the body can handle. But because he's an artificial lifeform created _with_ said substance, that isn't really a problem for him. <strike>(Perhaps as a result he'll bleed grayish blue instead of whatever color his ink is when I cut him?)</strike> If Inky & I have been granted [offscreen teleportation](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OffscreenTeleportation) with a syringe's worth of GV substance, then it wouldn't be a surprise if noclipping was merely one of the many powers that Signal has.

Another interesting thing to note is that while the power extracted from GV crystals can be used to create life and give it powers, I found out on my research trip that it can also be used to destroy life... Well, if you consider any Sanitized being to be "alive", anyway. _Are_ Sanitized beings living beings? Well no, but actually yes.

The GV substance is to Tartar as hydrogen peroxide is to living cells; when they meet, the Tartar gets completely destroyed, reacting with the GV substance until all that's left is a whole bunch of tiny little bubbles of gas. However, while it is possible for hydrogen peroxide to work _too_ well (as it also destroys your own healthy cells), there is no such thing as overkill when it comes to destroying the Sanitized using GV substance.

An escaped elite Octoling gave me a charger/Splatling/Inkzooka-esque weapon that shot out concentrated GV power if it had a crystal in it. (How she made it or where she even came from is beyond the scope of this story, as I didn't see her again.) I only really used it once by firing it in [blast mode](https://youtu.be/J7optuIjzJ0?t=31) at that wretched telephone, though. Agent 8♂ then took it from me after that. He used it twice against said pathetic phone; Once in [snipe mode](https://youtu.be/P-kQWJrjRV4?t=1192) to get that nasty slime out of my face, and again in [lazer mode](https://youtu.be/cAA7F7CDEIw?t=2) at full power to finally eliminate that phone (and the statue) once and for all. I didn't bother getting it back from him since I didn't see any more use for it after that point.

Of course, I didn't tell Inky any of this.

> She handed me the house keys. When I unlocked the door, I expected to see our mother & father waiting there to greet us. However, I didn't expect 8 other people to be there as well, all of them looking somewhat familiar.

Those people were my maternal relatives. Six cousins and both of their parents. When Inky & I were younger, 5 of the kids & both parents accidentally scattered themselves across different timelines. The other kid had her soul trapped inside a ring. How were all of them here right in front of me?

Everyone shouted at once.

> "Surprise!"
> 
> Wha-- the Aster family!? But how!?

Mr. New Aster (who always goes by his full name) has red ink and Mrs. Aster has blue ink, so you'd think it's impossible that their 6 children are nearly every other color of the rainbow _except_ purple. If they both were normal squids, their children would have been purple.

However, both of them are of the jigsaw squid subspecies. And in jigsaw squids, ink color inheritance is _MUCH_ more complicated.

In jigsaw squids, the child's ink color depends on where the parents' ink colors are on a color spectrum. This color spectrum always goes like this: magenta, red, orange, yellow, green, cyan, blue, purple. With 2 parents whose colors are identical or fairly close together on the spectrum, there's not a lot of possible choices. For example, my mother has vermilion (red-orange) ink and my father has chartreuse (yellow-green) ink, so there's a chance that Inky & I would've been born with yellow and/or amber (yellow-orange) ink.

However, in the Aster family's case, one of their children might be a possible exception to this rule. That child is Comic Tragedy, otherwise known as Tragicomic or CT.

* * *

Comic Tragedy wasn't really born from Mrs. Aster; instead, Comic Tragedy's a clone of their oldest daughter, Icecaps, who has red ink & orange eyes. But because one of the other kids activated the cloning machine sideways, the clone ended up looking much different than Icecaps and had cyan ink, azure eyes, shorter hair, and various body stripes (which appear to be tanner than I recall them being) that went diagona//y* when viewed from the front. Because of this, the Asters considered Icecaps and the clone to be two very different children and gave the latter a very different name. They thought of Comic Tragedy as another member of the Aster family.

* * *

Speaking of Comic Tragedy, she then spoke next. She didn't yell, it's just that her true typeface only has CAPITAL LETTERS.

> "I WILL EXPLAIN IN MORE DETAIL LATER BUT I SAVED EVERYONE"
> 
> "SO FOR NOW SHALL WE TAKE A FULL FAMILY PHOTO"
> 
> "IT WILL NOT BE COMPLETE IF YOU ARE NOT INCLUDED"
> 
> S-sure thing.

Inky and I walked in as Mr. New Aster set up a tripod with a camera on it. After our father closed the door, everyone else quickly gathered for the photo. I always wear my Black Tee under my Hero Jacket, so I took a moment to remove that (and my cape) and hang it on the coat rack first. Going in rows from left to right, this was the order everyone got in for the picture:

* * *

Top row: Father, Mrs. Aster, Mr. New Aster, & Mother.

Middle row: Me, CT, Distortme (♂ with yellow ink), Icecaps, & Inky.

Bottom row: Dialog (♀ with spring green ink), Walrod (♂ with orange ink), & Soundpieces (♂ with chartreuse ink).

* * *

Mr. New Aster told everyone to get ready.

> "Alright, 3... 2... 1..."

The camera flashed and took a photo. Mrs. Aster walked up to the camera to take another photo as the other adults moved out of the shot. After that photo was taken, Walrod walked up to the camera as the adults moved back into frame. While the rest of the kids moved away from the photo and resumed their conversations afterward, CT gestured at me to follow her, and so I did. When we stopped near the door to the backyard, I expected her to talk about her saving the rest of the Asters. But first, she removed the blue & cyan rhinestone ring she treasured so much...

...& to my surprise, she suddenly transformed into a completely different person. When she removed the ring, it happened so quickly, I would've missed it if I blinked.

CT had a scar on her right ear that went in the same direction as the stripes on her body, but now, the scar and stripes have dissappeared, and her right ear was normal. The lower part of her "mask" (the black part around the eyes) also had these pointed stripes that made her look unique, but now that's gone too, and she looked like a normal Inkling. As mentioned earlier, the stripes on her skin were more tan compared to the rest of her light-skinned body, yet here right in front of me was a young woman with a completely brown skin complexion. CT had cyan hair with 4 blue-tipped tentacles; 2 in front of her ears that went down to her chin, and 2 behind her ears that were just above her shoulders. This young woman also had 4 tentacles too, but all 4 of them were mid-level and were light pink with purple tips.

When she spoke, she sounded very different from Comic Tragedy. CT had a slight German accent like my mother, but this girl has a different accent. I just can't pinpoint whether it's American or Mexican. Even their dialogue looked different; Comic Tragedy's font only contains CAPITAL LETTERS, but this girl's font has numbers, proper punctuation, and both UPPER & lower case letters and actually utilized them all. This is clearly someone different.

> "Hi, I-I'm Surume Graphic. Tragicomic & I kinda... Um, share a psyche whenever this ring is on."
> 
> If there's two minds, then why is there only Tragicomic's appearance? Are your bodies combined?
> 
> "No, it's just Tragicomic, but she... Well, she bumped into this weirdass machine that trapped her soul in this ring, and when she tried to turn it off, her appearance got fucked up from the struggling."

This must be why CT had a scar and tanner stripes that I don't remember her having. And although her ring doesn't have an actual gemstone, it's probably even more valuable than one now that it contains her soul...

> "Also, you ever seen those memes about your last 2 brain cells during certain situations?"
> 
> Yes, why do you ask?
> 
> "It's like kinda that, but Tragicomic and I are the 2 brain cells."

An interesting comparison, but it still got the point across even though I couldn't relate.

> "Has your twin sis ever shown you the stuff at BlackAster Lab?"

I heard my twin sister behind me speak at the same time as I did, but at this point I'm used to her doing this, so I wasn't surprised. After all, I do it too.

> "Yes."
> 
> Yes.

Surume continued.

> "You know the black leather collar studded with these tiny GV crystals?"
> 
> You mean the Error Mortis collar?
> 
> "Yeah, that! Whenever the wearer's about to die, it transports them to this Holodeck-like place with an interface that allows the user to access other timelines. Tragicomic already knew what timelines the rest of the Aster family was stuck in, and she'd do dam near anything to see them again. The Error Mortis collar was our best bet!"
> 
> A GV crystal can do the same thing the Error Mortis collar does without the risk of death. Why didn't you use one of those?
> 
> "Didn't the Asters get trapped in the other timelines because they didn't know the difference between one than can & _can't_ be used up? CT didn't want to make the same fuck-ups that they did!"

If a GV crystal has a dim glow, it can be used infinitely. If it doesn't glow and its bluish-gray color starts to fade with each use, it has limited uses and will disappear once it's used when it's completely gray. Both of these can be used by attempting to break the crystal. However, if it's more of a dark blue color and glows brightly, then it can't be broken to access other timelines. However, it is possible to extract its power to create a portal to the GlitchVerse.

On another topic, if a GV crystal is cyan instead of blue, then it has Signal's soul trapped inside it. If it breaks and Signal is freed, he won't be transported to the timeline interface. The person who did it won't be transported either.

> _You_ know the difference, right? Why didn't you tell it to Tragicomic? After all, you said _our_ best bet, so you must be referring to both you and her.
> 
> "W-well, I do, but I..."

I noticed that Surume's eyes were starting to well up with tears.

> "I really just wanted to help her, and... Well..."

A few tears rolled down her face.

> "It was the perfect excuse for me to finally kill myself without actually dying, you know?"
> 
> What?

She was now crying even more.

> "Sometimes I just feel like plunging a knife straight into my soul 'cause..."
> 
> Because why?

Surume then burst into tears and didn't answer me. Inky then offered an explanation in her place.

> "It's kind of a touchy subject for her, but ever since Dopple's family moved in with Surume's family, Dopple's been constantly abusing Surume since they fight a lot. Their fights always result in Dopple trying to kill Surume, who's been having issues with depression and self-harm as a result, but I'm one of the people helping her with it."
> 
> Self-harm as a result of physical abuse?
> 
> "It makes more sense when you consider that it's an unhealthy coping mechanism."

Through all her sniffling, Surume finally managed to say something again, albeit still crying.

> "I-it's true... [sniffle] And you're the Slayer's role model, so... [sniffle] I thought that you were gonna act just like her and go all like 'If you wanna die so Cod dam much, then why the fuck won't you let me kill you!?' and..."

If that last bit was based off of something the _actual_ Dopple said, then I think it would be an understatement to call her "ax-crazy" _now_...

> There is no need to worry. I actually just met her a while ago, and I can say with confidence that the difference between her & I is that I know what self-control is and she doesn't.

Inky chimed in.

> "That, and it takes a lot for you to become infuriated while Dopple is angry nearly all the time..."

Surume continued.

> "Yeah, she'll suddenly get pissed off & try to kill me for no Cod dam reason..."
> 
> And this happens all the time?
> 
> "All the fucking time..."

I suddenly had an idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *As opposed to diagona\\\y, which goes the other direction.
> 
> If you want to know what our coded dialogue says, the link below has a handy chart to help you figure it out.  
https://fontmeme.com/fonts/static/3020/fam-code-font-character-map.png
> 
> Now, I would just tell you what it says in plaintext, but that wouldn't be any fun, would it? You'll have to work for it.


	4. Guess who's back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Killer of Inkopolis finally reveals her return to everyone by stopping one of Dopple's violent anger outbursts, saving Surume from yet another beating.

I was watching everyone from high above, hidden on the giant origami crane statue at Inkopolis Square. To ensure that nobody would notice me at all, I was in squid form and changed my ink color to match the statue's warm color pattern. Looking down at the crowd of 21 people, I saw my sister, Inked (Agent 3♂), Signal, Dopple, Ocho (Agent 8♂), Sere (Agent 8♀), Surume, Kensaki (whom I've known during childhood, and I'm assuming that he's only moved to Inkopolis only recently), Joseph, Pedro, and Monica (3 acquaintances of mine) among them. I also saw Nate and Clara, both of whom I knew quite well. I remember that Clara was always worrying about her youngest sister's safety, which is most likely referring to Surume constantly being in harm's way.

The voice of the young lady who then spoke sounded familiar. It was identical to one of the voices from a juvenile hockey team that yelled out a profane exclamation upon seeing me a year ago, just after I killed another victim. The victim was a trafficker that also happened to be their referee. I remember that Clara also talked about how her younger sister (the middle child in her family) always preferred hockey over Turf War; the sister was most likely the girl from the juvenile hockey team.

> "Dopple, what the shell are YOU pissed off about!? You're the one who started that shit!"
> 
> "Dafuq did I do!?"

After Dopple's rebuttal, another familiar voice from the hockey team spoke (a male one this time), followed by Sere, Ocho, & Kensaki.

> "Bitch, You Literally Picked Up Not 1, But 2 People At Once And Yote Them Right The Fuck Off The Tower!"
> 
> "Wait, which tower? Deca Tower?"
> 
> "How do you yote something?"
> 
> "What he meant was that while playing Tower Control, the Slayer picked up 2 people & threw them off of the tower."

I recall the past tense form of yeet being "yeeted", not "yote".

An unfamiliar female voice spoke next, and then the hockey girl, Dopple, a new male voice in ALLCAPS, and Surume.

> "Yeah, and they landed headfirst straight toward uninked ground. Even Lil' Judd thought that was a bit harsh..."
> 
> "I'm fine 'cause I managed to land in a patch of ink, but Surume? She fucking landed headfirst right on solid ass ground!"
> 
> "So fucking what? Both of you were in squid form!"
> 
> "EVEN SO, THAT'S STILL GOTTA HURT LIKE HELL!"
> 
> "It does. My head still fucking hurts..."

After Surume, Kensaki went next, then the unfamiliar female voice, another male voice, and yet another female voice that was a bit hard to hear due to speaking in a raspy whisper. You might be surprised that I could still hear her from such a high place, but that is how a jigsaw squid do. Inklings of the jigsaw squid subspecies can hear things from a much further distance compared to normal squids.

When combined with our improved attention to detail, this might be where the "jigsaw squids have the uncanny ability to know anyone's secrets" misconception comes from; lots of people can't seem to keep secrets to themselves.

> "In addition, Splashley, even if you landed on the ground as well, you would've been fine since you're wearing a helmet."
> 
> "However, Surume's wearing a King Flip Mesh, and... I don't think a fabric hat's gonna protect you from anything."
> 
> "It's definitely not gonna protect you from stuff."
> 
> "would a helmet really save you when you're being thrown by the same girl who can throw a gigantic axe with 1 hand?"

I'm guessing that "Splashley" is the name of the young lady from the juvenile hockey team.

Dopple quickly replied.

> "Would ANYTHING save you from _THIS!?_"

She changed her weapon, but instead of another ink weapon, she was now wielding her hatchet instead. She then charged toward Splashley & Surume, but Clara was one of the squids who tried to defend them by getting in her way. Everyone else gasped in fear.

Normally, this would be when Inky would use her font magic to summon a pillar as a barrier between them & Dopple.

However, I'm the one who used my font magic to summon a pillar instead. Both of our powers were the same, but were chromatically different because our natural ink colors weren't the same. Why it doesn't change to match current ink color is beyond me, but I took advantage of this.

Out of all 21 cephalopods in the crowd, only 9 of them immediately knew it was me.

I reverted back to my natural ink color as I super jumped down to them, right in front of the pillar I summoned (or rather, where it would be if I didn't unsummon it). I also did a front flip for the sake of impression. Sure, this might've been easier if I wasn't a jigsaw squid (which can't run or jump as well as normal squids), but why should that stop me?

> Heh.

Dopple was especially shocked, slightly blushing when I landed. Now that all of Inkopolis Square knows I'm here, lots of commotion ensued. These are some of the things I heard everyone say:

* * *

> "Alte has the same powers as you, Inky?"
> 
> "What more did you expect from twins? I taught her that a long time ago, but she doesn't rely on it so much nowadays because... Well, she's the Killer of Inkopolis. She uses blades."

I'm not sure who she was talking to, but Inky was on the right track. I mostly use my font magic whenever my victims try to get away, but I prefer using a sharp pointed object at them, like a knife or a fountain pen. <strike>(Hey, in the most sinister hands, the pen can be just as mighty as the sword... or in this case, the knife.)</strike> It works for me.

> "A-Alte...?"

I can kind of see why Surume was so scared.

> "Hey, She Looks Familiar..."
> 
> "[gasp] Wait, I remember you! You killed the old hockey ref and caused that one tournament to be delayed!"
> 
> "Mew! Meow?"
> 
> "Oh Yeah, After It Was Done, This Dude Named Natate De'Andrew Was Hired In Your Place."

Indeed, those two also looked familiar to me. They were part of the same hockey team that I met a year ago, but only the young lady was wearing a hockey outfit. I'm surprised to hear that Lil' Judd was their temporary referee, though. Was that what he's been doing for the past few months? Was he practicing for when he'd judge Turf Wars?

> "WAIT WHAT THE FUCK THE KILLER & THE SLAYER AIN'T ACTUALLY THE SAME PERSON!?"
> 
> "My dude, they look different, they sound different, their subspecies are different, shell, it was even proven on TV using CRIME SCENE EVIDENCE that they were 2 different people! How could you NOT believe that!?"

I'm guessing that ADMIRAL ALLCAPS here was one of those crazed conspiracy theorists that were adamantly glued to their beliefs even when you told them the cold hard truth. But now, the evidence against his beliefs was standing right in front of him.

> "Well frick."
> 
> "ah shit, here we go again"

I'm surprised that it was Joseph & Clara who said these lines, as it's usually either Inky, Inked, &/or Nate who's trying to stop me whenever I "go too far".

> "Huh, so she wasn't kidding about when she'd be back..."

If Nate was going to doubt me on how many people I've killed, then of course he was going to doubt me on when I would return.

> "I'm surprised that _she_ knows how to make such an entrance..."

Inked usually thought of me as some sort of secret assassin, but now? I don't think so.

> "Are you seeing this, Bro?"
> 
> "Yeah, Sis. She's back."

Without a doubt, I knew that Monica & Pedro said these.

> "the Killer of Inkopolis...?"
> 
> "Yup. The same woman who inspired the Slayer of the Square."

Perhaps the quiet young lady who whispered before Kensaki would've been more audible if she wasn't wearing a painter's mask...

On another note, if Kensaki was right, then Dopple pretty much idolizes me. However, we would be even more effective as a duo if she didn't have such a [Hair-Trigger Temper](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HairTriggerTemper). I need to get her to act more like _me_ somehow... Perhaps a stronger connection is needed?

> "Oh great, now there's TWO murderous chicks roaming Inkopolis Square..."
> 
> "BuT tHeRe'S sTiLl OnLy 1 MuRdErOuS nUtCaSe In InKoPoLiS nOw; ThE sLaYeR oF tHe SqUaRe!"
> 
> ** _"HEY!"_ **
> 
> "WhAt, WhY aRe YoU jEeRiNg Me? I'm RiGhT, aRe'Nt I?"

It seems like the people can't come up with any original derogatory names to call the Slayer of the Square, so they just reused the uncreative ones they used for me, like "nutcase".

I don't know who spoke before Signal, but I know that Dopple spoke after him.

* * *

The commotion died down shortly after I told everyone to stop. After all, they know better than to infuriate someone like me, and they could tell by my tone of voice.

> _SEI STILL!_

Now that I had everyone's attention, I needed to know their names.

> Who are all of you? Please tell me your names.

First, I pointed my blade at the young brown-skinned woman with the hockey jersey & long purple tentacles. Things would be awkward if I acted like I already knew her name.

> "My name's Splashley... I'm Surume's other older sis."

My thoughts were confirmed. Her name really is Splashley. Also, Clara mentioned being the oldest out of the 3 Graphic children, so this would mean that Splashley is the middle child & Surume is the youngest.

Then, I pointed my blade toward her male counterpart who had yellow ink & a jacket that was also yellow.

> "Hey There, My Name Is KelpShot."

I then pointed my blade at the young man with pink ink, no tentacles, a backwards visor, and skin that was a lighter shade of brown.

> "THE NAME'S YARI, & I'M HIS HALF-BROTHER."

Yari was pointing at KelpShot, which meant that Yari was talking about both of them being half-brothers.

I pointed my blade at the young lady who had green ink, light skin, a painter's mask, and tentacles that were tied up in a bun. She then wrote this on her whiteboard:

It would be ideal if this was how she preferred to communicate, as it's hard to hear her talk when I've only heard her speak in quiet whispers.

I pointed my blade at another young lady with a blue hoodie, yellow ink, and wavy asymmetrical tentacles.

> "Erm... Hi, my name's Kou."

I pointed my blade at a young man who looked like a palette swap of Signal: while Signal had cyan ink, multicolored eyes, yellow and blue shoes, & a teal T-shirt, this guy had green ink, blue eyes, yellow and magenta shoes, & a black T-shirt.

> "I'm Cuttlefresh, but most people either call me Cuttlefrsh or C-Fresh "

I pointed my blade at another young man who looked like a palette swap of Cuttlefresh: slightly tanned skin, indigo ink, vermilion and blue shoes, & a white T-shirt. I think there's some sort of fad here.

> "I'm Gangre, the twin bro of Dopple."

If he was telling the truth, then this means that the Scicons siblings are Dopple & Gangre. Similar to how both of the Squid "Sisters" are named after a certain food made from squids, there's no way that their naming was not a mere coincidence like me (Alte) & Nate. I'm guessing that Dopple & Gangre were named for being doppelgängers of their parents.

Now that all the newcomers have told me their names, I now know everyone here.


	5. Something Borrowed, Someone New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: At one point, Agent 4♀ goes bezerk & swears even more than usual.
> 
> As Agent 4♂ takes the New Squidbeak Splatoon to the BlackAster lab, Agent 3♀ meets Agent �, coming up with a theory after learning more about her & Agent 4♀. Also, Agent 3♀ gets her cape changed.

Another day with the New Squidbeak Splatoon. Today, Agent 4♂ decided to take everyone (sans Agent 1 & Cap'n Cuttlefish) to the BlackAster lab. Agent 2, who had a book with her, inquired.

> "So... Remind me again why you wanted me to come here with you?"
> 
> "I wAnTeD yOu To MeEt My HoMiE tRaGiCoMiC!"

Of course, Tragicomic herself chimed in.

> "YOU RANG"
> 
> "Oh! You're Tragicomic, right?"
> 
> "YES"
> 
> "ALSO MORE IMPORTANTLY WHO ARE YOU"
> 
> "Oh for--"

Agent 2 seemed offended & stepped to the side.

> "Does ANYONE here even know who I am!?"

Out of the 37 other people at BlackAster (not including Tragicomic/Surume or those who are also part of the Squidbeak), 25 of them recognized her.

Marie continued.

> "[Sigh] Anyway, since you're one of the uncultured ones here, I'm Marie. I'm one of the Squid Sisters."
> 
> "TO BE FAIR I SPENT THE LAST FEW YEARS MENTALLY NOWHERE WITH MY SOUL TRAPPED INSIDE SOME RING"
> 
> "SO HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GET CAUGHT UP ON ALL THE BANDS AND NEWS AND WHATNOT"
> 
> "...I'm sorry, how did you spend the last few years?"
> 
> "YoU kNoW, sAmE sItUaTiOn As YoU-kNoW-wHo, BuT wItH a DiFfErEnT rInG?"

I don't know who they're talking about, but I'm sure that _they_ do.

Marie responded.

> "I get it, but..."
> 
> "BuT wHaT?"
> 
> "It all sounds so made-up yet still kind of real at the same time. It's like this book you gave me one time."
> 
> "It's printed by a nonexistant company in a nonexistant country, and is an autobiography of the dead author from their point of view."
> 
> "But I've seen some things in that book did exist, like her grave and the garden planted in her memory."
> 
> "WHAT IS THE BOOK"
> 
> "It's _An Autobiography of My Life & Death: How the Latter Caused My Daughter to Become Insane_ by W.S."
> 
> "OH IF THE WHOLE THING WAS FAKE THERE WOULD BE THIRTY NINE OTHER PEOPLE HERE"

I remember that the same Octoling who gave me the GV cannon on that research trip also gave me a copy of the book they're talking about. I've read through most of it so far, and I've noticed that the author, Mrs. Scicons, expresses a deep hatred for the entire family of the man who killed her, Mr. Maritime. Although she's unable to get her revenge on them (since she's a spectre and therefore only a mere spectator in this realm), I'd be more than willing to do that for her. I don't blame her, after all. Describing them as unpleasant would be an understatement.

Dopple joined the conversation.

> "...You mean thirty-eight."
> 
> "HuH?"
> 
> "I still would've shanked his ass even if he didn't actually kill mijn moeder."
> 
> "EVEN IF HE NEVER TRIED"
> 
> "I don't give a flying fuck, if _your_ dad never gave a fuck about you, you'd still be fucked up any way!"
> 
> "It says here that your dad tried his best to care for you after your mom died..."
> 
> "**T****hat shit doesn't fucking matter at all, it was too Cod dam late by then to try & change things****!**"
> 
> "THERE IS STILL SOME HOPE LEFT FOR YOU"
> 
> "_**What the shell are you talking about!? That shit left me forever ago!**_"
> 
> "Hey, calm down..."
> 
> "_No matter what changes, regardless of what shit happens, I'll still be known as the psycho bitch I am today._"
> 
> "How could you know about that last part?"
> 
> "_**I'd still be famous for being a murderer!** Music ain't what gets in the news all the time!_"

I have a feeling that _in_famous would be a more appropriate term, but then again, neither of us really care that there's a difference.

I decided to add on to what Dopple said.

> It took a while for you to become known for your music, right, Marie? And even then, not everyone knows who you are. However, everyone knew what Dopple & I were soon after we decided to become serial murderers.
> 
> Some people are foolish enough to ignore nearly anything about a topic they see as unimportant, such as music, but death? Everyone sees death as terrifying yet inevitable, so of course it would be significant.
> 
> "As much as I hate to say it, you've actually got a point there..."
> 
> "_**Dam right!**_"

Dopple was about to pull out a hatchet, but Tragicomic stopped her by grabbing Dopple's left arm. She was holding another ring; a gray one that had a keycap with a power symbol on it.

> "ALRIGHT THATS IT"
> 
> "Bitch I know what you're gonna do, don't you dare make me put that shit on me right now!"
> 
> "FOR FUCKS SAKE JUST STAY STILL SO THAT THIS WILL BE EASIER"

Depending on whether or not you consider "Hell" & "damn" to be expletives, this is the first time I've ever heard anyone related to me use such profanity, as our religion discourages us from using such language* in favor of more sophisticated insults. On the other hand, it doesn't _completely_ prohibit using profanity, we rarely even use "Hell" and "damn" anyway, & this very well might be Surume deciding what to say, not Tragicomic.

I decided to grab Dopple's shoulders. That seemed to get her to stop moving. This made it easier for Tragicomic to place the ring on Dopple's left ring finger...

...& transform the latter into a completely different person, similar to the way the former took off _her_ ring to become Surume.

This new person had the exact same skin tone & hairstyle as Dopple, but had yellow ink instead of gold. In addition, like Signal, the tips of her tentacles were also different colors, but I'm not sure if this is a mere coincidence or not. Since I'm looking at her from behind, the tip of her left tentacle was magenta & her right one was cyan. The 2 little tendrils on the back of her head also had hints of red (right) and blue (left). However, the strangest thing of all was that her clothing (not including the ring) now had inverted colors. How this is possible is completely beyond me.

When I went to look at her from the front, her other 2 tentacles had green (left) and black (right) tips. She also had differently colored eyes & pupils like Signal, which I'm now certain is not a mere coincidence. Her left eye was blue with a red pupil and her right eye was yellow with a cyan pupil.

When she spoke, the only noticable difference between her voice & Dopple's voice is the accent. While the latter had an accent that was Italian and/or Dutch, I have [absolutely no clue](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/WhatTheHellIsThatAccent) where the latter's accent is from whatsoever. However, since it sounds like the one that Signal has, I have a feeling that they were raised in the same enviroment.

> "[Deep breath] Eugh... oH, hI kILLER!"
> 
> My name is Alte, but you can call me that too. But do I still call you Dopple or--
> 
> "oH, dOPPLE? sHE'S oN a bREAK rIGHT nOW. i'M dRAGLITCH!"
> 
> What do you mean?
> 
> "ALTE DID SURUME EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THE SITUATION WITH HER AND I"
> 
> Yes, why do you ask? Is that also the case with Dopple & Draglitch?
> 
> "YES BUT THERES ONE THING"
> 
> "DRAGLITCH NEVER LETS DOPPLE TAKE CONTROL"
> 
> "i tRY nOT tO, aNYWAY... sOMETIMES i sLIP uP aND tHE nEXT tHING i kNOW, sHE'S--oR iS iT wE'RE?--tRYING tO kILL eVERYONE."
> 
> "Yeah, I actually saw that happen one time. I almost had a heart attack when she tried to kill Callie..."
> 
> "WHO IS CALLIE"
> 
> "She's the other Squid Sister."

Assuming that Draglitch and Signal are also similar in terms of abilities, giving the latter Dopple's axe proficiency, physical power, & violent aggression would make her nearly unstoppable... that is, if she doesn't already have Dopple's violent aggression.

> Who's the one trying to kill everyone, you or Dopple?
> 
> "iT'S dOPPLE tRYING tO kILL eVERYONE, bUT iT'S aLSO mY bODY sHE'S cONTROLLING... i tRY tO sTOP hER, bUT mOST oF tHE tIME i cAN'T."
> 
> So only one of you is ever in control at a time since you two can't cooperate?
> 
> "i'M sUPPOSED tO bE a cLONE oF dOPPLE, bUT tHEN i eNDED uP lOOKING dIFFERENT fROM hER! i jUST dON'T kNOW wHY wE gOTTA aCT dIFFERENTLY aS wELL!"
> 
> Well, did you & Dopple grow up together?
> 
> "nO, tHIS wAS wHERE i lIVED! aPPARENTLY eVERYONE eLSE tHOUGHT tHERE wAS sOMETHING aBOUT mR. sCICONS tHAT mADE hIM tOO wACK tO rAISE a dAUGHTER."
> 
> "Too wack!? From what I've heard, I'd think that he's too seperatist to even be a father! I'm surprised that his wife never considered divorcing him..."

Draglitch & Signal really did grow up together, which certainly explains a lot. Combined with what I've read so far, I got an idea on why Draglitch and Dopple act nothing alike, and it involves nurture & ignorance. I also would've included nature and how Draglitch being an imperfect clone of Dopple resulted in her being genetically different, therefore giving her different natural traits, but even if that did turn out to be true, I'm not sure if it's as important.

> So the reason that you act differently from her is that she's the one who grew up with the dangers of ignorance, not you.
> 
> "wHAT mAKES yOU sAY tHAT?"
> 
> Dopple felt neglected by her father for most of her life due to his ignorant views. In addition, he was too ignorant to change them regardless of his wife's attempts. When she was still alive, that is.

If I actually said that last sentence out loud, Dopple might've taken over.

> Of course, Dopple wanted to be loved, but as time went on, she slowly began to ignore the desire of love in favor of the desire of attention. Her ignorance of the fact that there's many positive ways to get attention makes her who she is today.
> 
> "tHEN wHAT aBOUT mE?"
> 
> Well, out of all the adults here at BlackAster, have any of them been ignorant enough to neglect you or Signal?
> 
> "nOPE."
> 
> "NoT aT aLl!"

Of course, I meant all the _Inkling_ adults here, as there's no way that there would've been any Octolings here back then.

> Do you think it's possible for ignorant views to develop even after reading the wide variety of information archived here?
> 
> "gUESS nOT."
> 
> "With so much information, you'd think that proper etiquette when talking to superiors would be somewhere in there..."
> 
> "hEY, tHERE aRE sOME sAME-sEX cOUPLES hERE!"
> 
> "Okay, but what does that have to do with anything?"
> 
> "wELL, tHEY'RE mARRIED, sO wHAT aM i sUPPOSED tO rEFER tO tHEM aS wITHOUT gETTING cONFUSED?"
> 
> "...Alright, you got me there."

As far as I've heard, there are only 2 grown-up couples of the same gender here at BlackAster, so I don't know how Draglitch ended up referring to every single adult in BlackAster in the same fashion.

> So there's no way you could've ended up like Dopple, since you didn't grow up with the consequences of ignorance like she did.
> 
> "oHH, nOW i gET iT! tHANKS aLTE!"
> 
> No problem.

I was about to walk off, but then I heard Distortme call out my name.

> "HEY ALTE"
> 
> Hm?

I walked up to him.

> "SO INKY TOLD ME THAT YOU WANTED THIS CAPE OF YOURS TURNED INTO A COAT"
> 
> "IS THAT TRUE"
> 
> Yes.
> 
> "HOW MUCH SHORTER DO YOU WANT IT DO BE"
> 
> Hmm...

I put the cape back on and used my pen to make some marks on it near my waistline.

> Probably down to here.
> 
> "COOL"
> 
> "HOW MANY MORE BUTTONS DO YOU WANT ME TO ADD"
> 
> ...I guess 5 more would be alright.
> 
> "OKAY"
> 
> "WANT ME TO CHANGE THIS SYMBOL ON THE BACK TOO"
> 
> Yeah, hold on a sec...

I removed the cape & grabbed the nearest piece of paper and thought for a moment. I wanted something that was fitting for me, but I still had to retain the number 3 in it somehow. I eventually drew this symbol:

> Maybe to something like this?
> 
> "EXCELLENT"
> 
> "I WILL CALL YOU ON YOUR PHONE WHEN IM DONE"
> 
> "AFTER THAT YOULL MEET ME AT THE BACK OF THIS BUILDING"
> 
> Sounds good to me. Bye.
> 
> "GOODBYE"

_Now_ I could walk off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Religion is also the reason why everyone else uses "Cod" instead of "God" and/or "Master", "dam" instead of "damn", & "shell" instead of "Hell".


	6. Knife to kill you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This is the chapter where these 2 actually kill someone.
> 
> Alte & Dopple go on a walk & have a conversation. The former gives the latter her knife to see how well she does with it, & what better person to test it on than some random dude being a bigot to Sere & Surume? Afterwards, Sere searches through his pockets for stuff.

Another day, another Ranked Battle, but this time with Dopple & a bunch of randoms. Those can indeed be stressful.

> Well, that didn't go well... Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be going on a walk.
> 
> "To where?"
> 
> Oh, I'm not really heading to any destination in particular. Just roaming around.
> 
> "Then why the shell are you going on a walk if you ain't actually going anywhere!?"
> 
> It just really helps me de-stress a little. Perhaps you should come with me.
> 
> "I... Actually, you know what? Nevermind. You're right. I'll go with you."

And so we started walking.

> "You said before that you believed in a religion, right?"
> 
> Yes, why do you ask? Have you decided that you also want to be religious?
> 
> "No, I was just wondering what religion you believed in anyway."
> 
> Ah, my religion? It's called Gomasonism. I'm a Gomasonist.
> 
> "...Ain't that a carbon copy of Freemasonry or something?"
> 
> Oh, no, that's a secret society, not a religion. I'm a girl, so there's no way that I'd be an official Freemason. But even if I wasn't, Freemasonry requires believing in only 1 God. As a Gomasonist, I believe in God & Master.
> 
> "Alrighty then, but if that means that your sister is also a Gomasonist, then how the fuck is she also a scientist?"
> 
> Well, unlike other religions, ours doesn't straight-up contradict whatever's stated by science. For example, God & Master didn't just magically create the whole universe one day, they were just there when the Big Bang happened.
> 
> "Huh, I get it now..."

My apologies to any religious people and/or Freemasons reading this, but that's just how things are in our timeline. _I'm_ not the one who came up with these things in the first place, after all.

After roaming around for a while, we were in an alley somewhere in the heart of Inkopolis.

> Anyway, enough about me, let's talk switch to a topic we're _both_ into. So aside from hatchets, do you use anything else?
> 
> "I like hacking them in half with an axe."
> 
> Mind being more specific?
> 
> "Doesn't matter, any type of axe works, as long as I can split their head in half with it."
> 
> Ah, so you need to know to use many other kinds of weapons.
> 
> "What? Why?"
> 
> So you have more options in different situations. It's the same thing in Turf War. Anyway... Here.

To those of you thinking that an axe & a hatchet are the same thing: You're partially correct. A hatchet can refer to any type of one-handed striking tool with a blade. In fact, when you look up the word "cleaver", you'll find that it is a hatchet with a rectangular blade.

I gave her the green-handled semi-serrated knife that I normally use.

> "Thank you! So, who's gonna die first?"
> 
> Hmm...

I stopped & looked around, and then I heard someone in the distance.

> "Still, you two can't be friends!"

We looked in that direction, and we saw Sere & Surume standing before an angry ngyes 1 head taller than them with ink that was the same shade of moth green as his long scarf.

Sere spoke next, then the guy.

> "Why not?"
> 
> "Why not!? Because you're an Octoling & she's an Inkling, THAT'S why you two can't be friends!"

Just like that, I've found our target.

> There. Kill him.
> 
> "Hehehehehe..."

We started walking toward him. Meanwhile, Surume asked him a question, and the guy answered.

> "Just because we're different species doesn't mean that we can't be friends, right?"
> 
> "HAVE YOU DONE YOUR FUCKING HISTORY LESSONS!? You're supposed to be mortal enemies!"

Seems like someone learned about the past and is still stuck there... Kinda like Cap'n Cuttlefish.

> "For decades, Inklings & Octolings have been at war with each other, fighting over who gets this very land."

He never saw us coming, but judging by their facial expressions, Sere & Surume sure did.

> "And do you know who won? THE INKLINGS!"

This was when I got ahold of his scarf and strangled him with it.

> "So you there can go- _GACK!!!_"

He tried to retaliate, but then Dopple rushed in & stabbed him over & over, starting with his stomach. I placed one of my tentacles over his mouth so that he'd stop screaming.

> "Wha- why you li- _AAARRGHH!! WHAT THE F-_ mmmph!"

Surume ran away the moment all of this occurred, but Sere just kept watching, seemingly intrigued.

* * *

Now, imagine yourself in a situation like the one he was in. Wouldn't you try to get the scarf off _before_ running away to safety, unlike what _he_ did? You'd know that you'll only strangle yourself even more if you try to run away while being choked to death by your scarf. But then again, your choices don't matter at all, & you'd inevitably die anyway one way or another. Not like you actually have any choices to begin with, since you're merely a spectator observing OUR world unable to truly interact with us, so imagining yourself as one of us is the best you can do.

* * *

By the time Dopple was done, the stab wounds were all over the place. There wasn't enough time to count them all, but it's safe to say that there were [more than enough](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DeathOfAThousandCuts) to kill him.

> Impressive. Now, please give me my knife back.
> 
> "Okay."

I ripped the soul out of his body & stabbed a hole through it using my knife to make sure he was dead for real.

> Try slicing _and_ stabbing next time.
> 
> "Ah, alright."

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Sere got ahold of his soul and was just staring at it intently.

> Don't just _stare_ at it, _dispose_ of it!
> 
> "The fuck you so interested in souls for anyway?"
> 
> "Oh, okay. I just think they're neat."

She threw it into the dumpster.

The only hard part of our bodies (perhaps other than our soul?) is our teeth, so homicide's a lot easier when the only thing between the murder weapon and your soul is a bunch of flesh & organs. You'd think that this means that our bodies are lighter & therefore easier to carry, but that's not entirely true. Then again, we're teenagers trying to lift up the lifeless body of a young adult. It took forever for us to haul it in the dumpster even with Sere helping us. But even then, she was searching through his pockets the whole time...

> Well? You find anything?
> 
> "There's some..."

She pulled out a small bottle of grayish-green lozenges.

> "Fluh-knit-rays-palm...?"
> 
> Flunitrazepam. Don't take those. Some sneak these into your drink to make you fall asleep so that they can violate you without your knowledge.

Dopple added to the conversation.

> "You tellin' me he's been carrying roofies in his pockets the whole time?"
> 
> Yes.

Sere went into octopus form & kept rummaging through his pockets.

> "He got any cash?"
> 
> "Well, there's... 3 two-dollar bills, 6 pennies, 3 dimes, and 6 nickels."
> 
> "Anything else?"
> 
> "...Nope, that's all i found."
> 
> "So you sayin' that he's only got ¤666 on him!? What a broke-ass motherfucker..."

For those of you living in areas with centesimal monetary units, this would be equivalent to finding 6 dollars & 66 cents/pence.

We split it evenly between the 3 of us so we got ¤222 each, but Sere was still looking through his pockets.

> If you're looking for his credit and/or debit card, then it's of no use.

Instead of a credit or debit card, she pulled out an entirely different card.

> "Ooh, coupon for 50% off of any leather product!"
> 
> "What the fuck does he have THAT for!?"

Dopple (who spoke next) & I took a closer look. It seemed to be for a store that sold some rather... interesting clothes & accessories.

> "...Eh, still good. Doesn't expire until next decade. Keep it."
> 
> "Yay!"

For whatever reason, Sere was _still_ looking in his pockets...

...& after a few seconds, she pulled out a pack of cigarettes. The same kind of cigarettes I remember my paternal aunt & uncle smoking. Same packaging, same look, same logo, same company, same name, same "flavor" stated on the package, even the same undeniable scent. For a very brief moment, horrible flashbacks of them filled my mind. In a split second, I knocked the cigarettes out of her tentacles. I never wanted to think about them ever again.

> I don't want those wretched tobacco sticks in my sight _ever_ again!
> 
> "Oi! What was that for!?"
> 
> "I'm pretty sure you gave her a Vietnam flashback once you pulled out those cigs."
> 
> Yep.
> 
> "Oh... Sorry."

I know that bit about Vietnam was a joke, but other than that, Dopple was still correct.

Sere _finally_ quit seatching through his pockets & reverted back into humanoid form.

> Took you long enough. Why _were_ you rummaging through his pockets anyway?
> 
> "I just wanted to see if he had anything that I could use."


End file.
